Shivering Timbers: The Treatment for Pirates of the Caribbean 4

Recently we purchased "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow", a mediocre, old PS2 game. While the game wasn't very good, it did get Audrey and I talking about the film franchise and how badly the series ended. Specifically what happened to Keira Knightley's character Elizabeth Swann, who if you made it though the disastrous last chapter "At World's End" is forced to live alone on an island and wait for her love Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) to return for one day every ten years so they can... well, you know. As Audrey put it, "that is an anti-climatic, slightly sexist way to leave your female lead." Audrey also said (and I'll have to paraphrase) "she had these great adventures, became the Pirate King, all to end up as a single mother stranded on a deserted island."

To that I raised my coffee mug and said "Arrr, you know what they should do to fix both of those characters' crappy endings?"



"What," she said.

And now, for your enjoyment, my synopsis for "Pirates of the Caribbean 4 : Shivering Timbers"

JACK SPARROW, is living the high life on the high seas. He has the Black Pearl, with a galley full of treasure and a crew of miscreants who both fear and respect him. He has a fair maiden in every port. He's the last true pirate (Audrey's suggestion) and has it all, including a guilty conscience.

You see, Captain Jack has one regret. Of all the mates he's lost, he misses WILL TURNER and ELIZABETH SWAN. Deep down, Jack wishes he'd stabbed Davey Jones heart and taken over as Captain of the Flying Dutchman. But now, 10 years later he's got a nagging feeling that he has to find the Locker, save his friends from a miserable life of endless waiting, or else... he'll lose his soul.

Will he find the locker? Can he save Elizabeth and Will before it's too late? And what has become of Barbosa?

-Now I know they are rebooting POTC with just Depp. I know Bloom and Knightley won't return for another movie even if they got entire sections of Walt Disney World named after them. This is Depp's franchise. I know that, but still wouldn't it be cool if they at least tried to connect the new trilogy (come on, you know there aren't going to stop with just one) with the first one? Wouldn't be cool if they redeemed the terrible endings to just about every character from those movies? Wouldn't it be cool to make it right? Come on, Disney fix it. Don't hang any children. Don't have your characters licking their own brains. Don't leave your main characters stranded on an island. Fix it.