Answering a Classified

Marshall Dunwitty sat in his suit & tie in the stale, pale HR office of a Science Research Institute. Aside from the poster of the cat with the caption "Hang in There", the walls were barren.

Dunwitty was nervous. He'd seen the job listing in the classifieds for an Auditor and while he'd never worked in the Science field before, he'd jumped at the opportunity.

Now, two days later, he wasn't so sure. Everyone he'd met so far was so stern, simple, depressed. Dunwitty didn't like any of those personal attributes, because he himself had all of those attributes. He'd hoped for bright, happy co-workers that he could despise behind their backs. It made the days go by quicker.

When it came to people skills Dunwitty had few, which made him a great Auditor, not a great communicator. Auditors had to be good at checking things, counting things, cataloging things; not being chatty around the water cooler.

The door to the HR Office opened, revealing a balding pudgy man in thick square glasses. He shuffled around Dunwitty and sat down, causing his chair to expel a tremendous amount of trapped air. The HR man didn't seem to care, as he picked up the paperwork on his desk. He surveyed the forms.

"May I be frank," he asked Dunwitty.

52 Week Shootout

Last night my wife and I are on our nightly walk through neighborhoods with houses we could never afford. They are the mansions where we would throw fancy pants Christmas parties with family who, like us, know nothing about fancy pants. All of us in bad sweaters drinking boxed wine amid crepe paper decorations, listening to Leon Redbone. It is a fantasy walk we take. A walk of future plans, intentions, and goals. It is our dream stroll through possibilities.

"I would love to read more of your writing," she says as we pass the Haunted Mansion.

"I'm writing," I defend. "I've got 30 pages down on Jobs."

Jobs is the not so super secret screenplay I broke ground on earlier this summer. It is a highly referential, semi autobiographical journey through our occupational struggles since getting married. CLARK, a painter in his mid 20s who loses his job the day after he gets back from his honeymoon with his writer wife, MARIE, must go on a journey through many jobs until finding... Needless to say, I am excited about the new script...

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World vs. The Switch

I don't know why I keep doing it. I will see a movie I like and then go to Aintitcool.com to see what those critics thought. And then I am surprised when they don't see it my way. When they use extremely crass and vulgar language to describe their distaste in the film. When they would rather not explain their view from an educated standpoint, but rather use the barrage of four letter words to express their opinion. Their reviews read as if the movie punched them in the face, took their wallet, and insulted their mother before the end credits rolled. More than anything I guess I've officially grown up and away from aintitcool and now need a new film review site to peruse, because I am tired of reading reviews from critics who loved "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" and hated "The Switch"...